4 things that may make you cry in a corner as a mom

Hopefully most of us are making it through the majority of our days in one piece but we ALL know what it feels likes to have our spirits so badly broken, that you could literally sit in the corner of your room and ball your eyes out.  The funny things is, most of the events that could potentially lead to a momentary meltdown would be comical and entertaining for most onlookers. How nice for them.

1.  You just put a nice array of veggies, fruits (or maybe candy if you are trying to diffuse an angry little one) on the highchair tray.  Suddenly the food that you labored so hard over flys throughout the room as your adorable little person uses her arms as human wind-shield wipers.  Many a times I have cried and almost self-medicated over this one.

2.  You finally get to the six loads of clean laundry that were making themselves at home on your couch.  You decide, "I'm going to take some time and fold these like my mama taught me." A few T-shirts, yoga pants, and onesies later, you start feeling realllllllly good about your homemaking skills.  You are ever so proud of your perfectly neat stacks.  But before you know it, your little one is suddenly using your extremely fashionable summer tanks as tea towels to clean up juice, water, pee or another yucky body excrement (helllloooooo potty training).  You start to wonder why you even fold clothes and end up throwing them in the drawer.  Yes. Tears have occasionally followed this scenario.

3. You just spent nearly an hour at the store buying everything on your perfectly organized meal plan chart.  You stroll up to the counter thinking, "Ohhhh yeah, I'm a big deal and am feeling soooooooo accomplished. Hey you!..mom standing next to me with all of the non-organic groceries and kids that haven't bathed in their entire lives and are acting out so badly proving that you are obviously  a poor disciplinarian...would you like to look at my perfectly organized meal chart, or perhaps listen to my "why you should buy organic" speech, or "oooo" and "ahhh" over my well groomed, perfectly behaved little angel?".  But of course you keep those thoughts to yourself.  Your little angel decides she wants to help pay for the groceries and slide the debit card.  You think to yourself, "Absolutely! I am going to give my child an opportunity to learn something new and acquire new skills while all the people around observe and applaud my efforts as a mom to include my kid in all I do."  So you give her a try.  And another. And another.  And yes, another.  You finally realize that it's becoming borderline rude to let everyone else in line wait  so that your two year old can practice card swiping.  You gently try to take the card away and then the volcano begins to erupt.  Your little "angel" suddenly appears to be demon possessed as she lashes her arms and kicks her legs and screams bloody murder causing your already unbalanced 6 month pregnant self to almost completely eat it in front of everyone. Of course your card is now under  the check out register where it takes two or more lovely employees to try to recover it.  You leave the store completely humbled and wishing the mom with the non-organic groceries and dirty, misbehaved kids would just give you a hug and say, "It's ok hunny, just cry."

4.  It's been a looooooong day. I mean loooooong.  Bath time is coming to an end.  You reach down to wrap that adorable pink and green froggy towel around your child.  You hold her close because she is cold and has officially wandered down Sleepy Trail Road.  You slather on that yummy smelling lotion and and are sure to put a generous amount of booty cream on that little adorable bottom.  You put her new Doc McStuffin's pajamas on and then give her her binky.  She crawls into your arms, pulls her binky from her mouth, gives you a huge kiss and says "I love you" and "Jesus loves me".  Suddenly your eyes fill with tears and you are once again overwhelmed by the INSANE amount of love that you feel for this small little person and are even more overwhelmed by the affection that they are giving to you.  You start to wonder, "Why did God choose ME to be her mom?" I fail her so much. I make so many mistakes.  Even in my attempts to be the best homemaker possible, I fail.  Even on my best day, I can still find a bunch of things to knit pick in my mothering.  You finally say, "I love you too" and "Yes, Jesus loves you so very much." Then you tuck her into bed, pray over her, turn on the white noise, and walk out.  As you stroll from her room, through your living room, dining room, and kitchen, all of your uncompleted tasks from the day stare you mercilessly in the face.  At this point you have no resolve to do anything else so you head to your room.  You begin battling all of the negativity, and wonder if you will do things better the second time around.  You muster up some courage to get into the Word even though you would MUCH rather slip into Downton Abbey.  As you read, you are both convicted and encouraged.  Convicted of your pride, self-reliance, self-righteousness, critical attitude towards other and even your own inability to extend yourself grace.  You are encouraged because you realize that at the end of the day, nothing you do or fail to do will make God love you any more or less.  You are encouraged because your position in Christ before God is not altered by your imperfections, uncompleted checklists, or even your perfectly organized meal chart.  You realize that every good work you do is enabled by God's spirit and flows from a position of "I'm his beloved daughter", not "I'm trying to become his beloved daughter by my works."  The good news of the gospel begins to speak loud and clear to your everyday struggles and challenges! Christ has redeemed and restored you and is continuing to do so every day as you practically apply the gospel to your life each day.  You finally understand that God chose you to be the mother of your kids not because of you, but because of HIM.  In spite of you and me, he has graciously allowed us to share in one of life's dearest endeavors: parenting.  It is so very close to his heart.  You finally begin to feel "lighter" and more at peace as you realize that He is also YOUR parent and loves you relentlessly.  THAT will make any mom sit in a corner and cry.

Principle Vs. Method: A Momma's Challenge

A while back I read a book about motherhood that tackled the idea of principle vs. method when it comes to rearing adorable little people.  The more time that goes by as a mommy and the more time I spend around other mommies I finally understand the author's passion about the issue.  Any mommy knows that it takes a matter of seconds for a fun afternoon at the park or swim at the pool with other moms and babes to turn volatile.  All someone has to do is mention schedules, feeding, discipline, education, the word "organic", essential oils, birth experiences or any other popular mommy topic.  We mommies are SO passionate and steadfast in our mothering convictions that asking us to speak to our views on any of those topics is essentially handing us a microphone, turning it up to the highest volume, placing us on the top of a mountain and giving us free reign to practically preach like a good ole' southern baptist preacher. Think dripping sweat from our brow, growling and thundering voice, jumping up and down, piercing eyes...you get the picture.  Whenever these topics arise it is SO easy to try to prove to everyone in the group that our way is the RIGHT way.  Now granted, there are some things in life that are just proven to be better choices than others.  Some things are not as "gray" as some of wish that they were just as some things are not as "black and white" even if we feel that they are.  In essence, we tend to confuse principle with method.

Here's an example:

In regards to feeding babies, toddlers, children, whatever.....

Making sure that our children are fed and are not starving is the PRINCIPLE.  Choosing to make this happen with a feeding schedule vs. on demand, organic vs. nonorganic, breastfed vs. bottle-fed, are all METHODS of applying the principle.  None of those options are WRONG. Yes, some of those options may be more beneficial, but it doesn't make the alternate choices WRONG.  The most important thing is that we are applying the PRINCIPLE.  Our babies need to eat and they need to do so regularly.

Mommies often wage war with each other over issues that at the end of the day are not the most important.  As christian mommas, we should always seek to hold each other to the PRINCIPLES of motherhood. So if we notice that our friend prefers homeschooling to public school, or an organic homemade cake to a Costco cake, feeding on demand rather than a schedule, or perhaps a Diet Coke to a Kombucha then we should think twice before we get up on our high horse and start getting critical.  It DOESN'T mean that we can't share our convictions on those matters and even try to persuade our friends to maybe try it our way, but we shouldn't have the posture of "I have it all figured out and am without fallibility."

I also want to stress the importance of us as mothers being WISE with our application of principles in the methods we choose.  As mommies, we should be informed. Ignorance is not an excuse.  If you choose to breastfeed over bottle-feed with formula, then have good reasons for doing so and vice versa.  If your trying to decide between homeschooling and public school, then do some research! Ask questions! Talk to other moms. Reflect on your own educational history.  Seek the LORD's will and then make an educated and prayerful decision.  Always weigh out the pros and cons of various methods and prayerfully make good decisions!

 I know what it feels like to be strongly convicted about something and have good reasons for it.  But my personal methods are not LAW and I have to remind myself of that everyday. So I hope that we mommies can come alongside of each other and support one another in upholding principles, but will be gentle and cautious in our recommending of methods. xoxo

Grease is for food, not grace!

Sally: I just snapped at my kids because I'm tired and irritable.  They didn't do anything wrong.  In fact, they have been perfect angels all day.  I'm just about to start my period and I keep losing it.

Beth: It's ok, Sally.  It happens. Just give yourself grace.

Becca:  I don't know what my deal is.  I just keep disrespecting my husband and verbally abusing him every time he comes in the door.

Janet: It's ok, Becca. I do that to my husband, too. Don't worry it happens. You guys are in a stressful season.  Just give yourself grace.

Mary:  I keep getting wasted every time I go out clubbing with my girlfriends.  I just don't understand why its so hard for me to stay sober when everyone else around me is plastered!!

Katie: OMG Mary, I know its so hard! Just keep trying.  God wants us to be able to reach those people so just maybe try to pray more before you go out with them.  Everyone struggles with that.  Just give yourself grace.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?  How often to we come to one another about our sins and struggles and receive nothing but empty advice? Everybody wants to extend grace but not inspire change.  We would rather pity than empower. As Christians, we LOVE to pull the grace card whenever we have dealt a bad hand in our lives! Grace, grace and more grace for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.  Now grace is a beautiful thing.  We serve the most gracious God and we have been saved by grace.  Grace is available to us when we sin; when we fall.  I am not in anyway devaluing the importance of us being gracious with one another through our sins and struggles like God is with us.  But we shouldn't be all about greezy grace!! Greezy grace is the kind of grace that takes advantage of God's loving graciousness towards us.  We have to learn to strike a balance!! We have to realize that the same grace that is extended to us when we sin is the SAME grace that is given to us in order to turn from the sin. Don't believe me? Take a look at Titus 3:11: "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age..." God's grace is the catalyst for godly living! It is the means by which we gain self-control! Grace teaches us to say NO to our sin!  So in essence, we can't truly say that we are walking in and clothed in grace, if we are continuing to walk in our sin without repentance and evidence of change. If we are clothed in grace than we will be clothed in righteousness.  If we are walking in grace than we will be walking in holiness.  Grease is for good, not for grace! So lets walk in grace and be Christ-like! So maybe those above conversations should go something like this instead:

Sally: I just snapped at my kids because I'm tired and irritable.  They didn't do anything wrong.  In fact, they have been perfect angels all day.  I'm just about to start my period and I keep losing it.

Beth: Sally, I totally understand! I struggle with this myself! But let's remember that God has called us to be loving to our children regardless of how irritable and tired we are.  It's ok. Just go to them and repent. Repent to God as well and then receive his grace to act differently next time! 

Becca:  I don't know what my deal is.  I just keep disrespecting my husband and verbally abusing him every time he comes in the door.

Janet: Becca! I'm right there with you girl! Sometimes I just CAN'T hold my tongue with my husband. Let's hold each other accountable! Go to your husband and repent for the way you have been treating him and let him know that you have gotten accountability to help you change! Repent before God as well and ask for his grace to help you exercise self-control! Let's be checking in on each other!

Mary:  I keep getting wasted every time I go out clubbing with my girlfriends.  I just don't understand why its so hard for me to stay sober when everyone else around me is plastered!!

Katie: OMG Mary, I know that must be SO hard.  Have you ever considered just not going clubbing with them if you know that you are prone to stumble and drink too much?  Scripture talks about making "level paths" for your feet and being diligent to remove yourself from situations that will tempt you to sin. Why don't we find other ways to hang out with and reach those girls for a while?

Grace is beautiful. Let's not abuse it.

Feeling Invisible?

I am asking that question not to pity you, embarrass you or indirectly imply that you are.  I am asking you because I have personally felt invisible and still have many moments throughout the day where I have to remind myself that I am not.  If you are a full-time, stay-at-home wife and mother like myself, I'm sure you can relate.  In fact, any woman who is anybody, I am sure can relate.  We all slip in to deep pits of inferiority, insecurity and insignificance at times and are struck by sudden despair and even began to question why we do what we do.  Since devoting your life to full-time servitude of others, often going unnoticed and unappreciated,  is not very popular in our present culture, I feel that homemakers may potentially have more symptoms and side affects of a woman who simply feels invisible and non-impactful to the shattering world around her than others.  It's hard some days to change diapers when one could be changing bandages as a nurse.  It's hard to make meals for a picky 13 month old when one could be laying out a full delicious spread at a near by homeless shelter.  It's hard to scrub dishes and toilets and showers (and just about everything else in the house when you have a toddler obsessed with exploration and adventure lol) for no pay when at least in the workplace you get a check for it!  Sometimes its just plain HARD to give and give and give.  Especially in ways that seem small.  Even if you have the most loving and supportive husband in the world and your kids rise up and call you blessed, a good 80% (or more), of what we do as homemakers is just simply seen by no one.......EXCEPT our invisible God! He sees.  He hears.  He watches.  When it's 10:30 at night and everyone has gone to bed and you are switching over that last load of laundry so that your family can have clean clothes for the next day, He sees.  When it's 10, and 12, and 2, and 4, AND 6 and your up nursing while everyone is sound asleep, He sees.  When you are scrubbing that crusted over, hardened peanut butter off of your utensils, He sees. When you are picking practically whole meals of broccoli, quinoa, chicken and only God knows what else out of your coach when you would much rather be sitting on it, He sees.  When you are reading Romans to your 13 month old and she has no idea what you are talking about but you know you want God's Word to began to take root in her heart, He sees. He sees, He sees, He sees!! You are making a difference! You are raising the future!  You have been given the responsibility to nurture and rear world-changers! Every dish you wash, every mouth you feed and every load of laundry that you fold is setting an example of a life of servitude and dedication to others! That is what Jesus did! He served! He met needs, not to mention our greatest need for salvation! No house chore is done in vain! You are meeting needs and are following in the footsteps of our ultimate example, Jesus! I want to share a quick entry from my journal that prompted me to right this blog. Maybe what I have put on paper is a bit of what you feel.

You are with me! Emmanuel! Emmanuel! You see me! You are watching over me! You see me and are with me when I feel like no one else is! You see me when I am doing the everyday mundane tasks that seem so unimportant and non-impacting to the rest of the world! You see me washing dishes and folding clothes.  You see me nursing.  You see me preparing food.  All you want is for me to glorify you! You just want me to do whatever I do to to your glory! You are proud watching me glorify you in whatever I do no matter how small or how insignificant! You delight in me as I bring you glory! Help me to eat, sleep, breath, cook, nurse, clean, comfort, etc. to your glory because I know you are diligently watching and you are always around! You are so in-tuned with my day and daddy I am so grateful! Sometimes I think my days are so uninteresting and uneventful, like a low budget film that never made it to the big screens.  But you choose to watch all of the drama of my life unfold with such intensity and anticipation as if my life was #1 in the box office! I love that you love to watch me and be by me.  This makes me so grateful! So thankful! You make me feel like I am your star!! It's almost like I am your favorite reality TV show! Ahhh, daddy I love you so dearly!

Sometimes when I journal I feel like a little girl before God so bear with some of my cheesiness!! It's just me being honest before God and writing what I feel in those very moments!!  I hope that you felt encouraged as you read that entry.  God sees you.  He sees me.  He loves us. He is more instep and in-touch with us than we will ever know.  Go about your day to the glory of God. He's proud.  I'll leave you with this verse to remind you that He is with you and sees you all day.

"The LORD looks down from heaven, he SEES all the children of man; from where he sits enthroned he LOOKS OUT on all the inhabitants of the earth, He who fashions the hearts of them all and OBSERVES ALL THEIR DEEDS." Psalm 33:13-15 (emphasis added)

Our invisible God sees the seemingly invisible!

What the heck am I thinkin'?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Philippians 4:8

1. Whatever is TRUE

What a concept: think about the truth! Don't think about the lies! If you think about the lies, you will eventually begin to act and feel on false pretenses.  A lot of times we find ourselves in a whirlwind of emotions that leave us coocoo for cocopuffs all based upon a perception that is not reality! We have to save ourselves the trouble and choose instead to only dwell on truth! The truth about who we are in Christ, the truth about the nature of our relationships with others, and the truth of God's Word.

2. Whatever is HONORABLE

To God and to others! We mustn't fall prey to the false assumption that our honor towards other people is only measured by our outward actions!

3.  Whatever is JUST

Be fair and reasonable even in our thoughts!

4. Whatever is PURE

We gotta get out minds out of the gutter! Obviously when it comes to sexual purity, but also in regards to the carnal filth that we are surrounded by day in and day out.

5. Whatever is LOVELY

Who could use a little bit of lovely in their life? 

6. Whatever is COMMENDABLE

If our thoughts were flashing on a big screen, would people (not to mention God) commend us for them?

7. If there is any EXCELLENCE

Strive for it! Even in your mind!

8. If there is anything WORTHY OF PRAISE

This one, in my opinion, carries more weight with it than we may realize.  Things that are obviously worthy of praise are good deeds, good behavior, and just good fruit in our lives.  But aren't there so many things that we think about that deserve absolutely NO praise?  The first things that came to my mind were our past sins, failures, and shortcomings.  Our sin us ugly.  Most of our failures are shameful.  Our shortcomings are just constant reminders that we truly have "fallen short" of God's glory.  In a nutshell, none of it is worthy of praise.  So why do we so often dwell on them and fail to give the guilt and shame over to the Lord?  Why do we waste so much brainpower rummaging through the thorns and thistles of our former deserted trails, rather than looking ahead on the road to glory? In Philippians 4:12-13, Paul explains how he "presses on" and forgets what lies behind and strains forward for what lies ahead.  He made a cognitive decision  to STOP THINKING about the past, to stop dwelling on the ugly, and to cease pondering the things from his past that were not deserving of any praise whatsoever.  We, my lovely friends, must do the same! We have to get our minds right!  I pray that we will begin to think on the things that will inspire praise and worship of God as well as fruitful living! May we not be trapped in our minds by our ugly and unbecoming pasts but rather move forward with a renewed mind!!

So what the heck are YOU thinkin'? Think on THESE things!

10 Ways to Make "Gettin' In the Word" as a Momma easier!

 Lose the legalistic mindset

You don’t HAVE to sit down and read your Bible for exactly one hour every single day in the same location at the same time.  There is NO WHERE in scripture that COMMANDS you to be this rigorous.  If you are this rigorous because that is what works best for you, than by all means do it and more power to ya! But if you are that way just to check it off the to-do list, or you’re simply doing it because you have been told it has to be that way, then you may want to revaluate.  I am all about structure and discipline so I am not advocating reading sporadically for 30 seconds every other day, but I am saying be realistic and give yourself grace.  Most especially on those crazy hard days as a mom. 

Include your kids

Some days you just can’t escape those adorable little people J.  So why not include them.  If you are like me just read whatever portion of Scripture you are reading out loud with the same passion and expression that you would for let's say, Fancy Nancy.  My seven month old doesn’t know the difference J.

 Put down the clicker J

I know you probably feel that you are the 4th Crawley sister (as do I) and are desperately interested in the current affairs of your make believe TV family but sometimes you just have to exercise some restraint and choose to hear instead from your ACTUAL heavenly Father. (for all of you Downton Abbey fanatics J)

Turn off the iPhone

Facebook will be there when you are done.  Really hunny, it will J.

 Keep a few Bible’s open

Having a Bible open in the rooms you spend most of your time will make it easier to read a couple quick verses here and there throughout the day! You could start with the Kitchen countertop J.  

 Take advantage of those few and far between “pauses” in your day

Even if you just read a few verses while you are waiting to reheat your coffee for the 100^th time, or while you are waiting for water to boil  it’s worth it.  We all know water WON’T boil if we look at it, so look at a few uplifting scriptures instead!

Get accountability

Ask your husband, pastor, or friend to check in on you from time to time J.

Think of it as a prenatal vitamin J

If you are like me, you consume a HUGE pill four times a day to keep all your mommy functions running at full speed.  The key is to take them spread out and not at once in order to maintain a healthy balance.  Bits and pieces of the Word throughout the day can do wonders in helping you strike some serious balance in your life!

Think of it as receiving endearing text messages from your heavenly husband throughout the day

Everyone likes to receive em’ from your hubby or anyone else for that matter.  Who better to receive a message from than God?

Remember that when it comes to the Word, leftovers won’t cut it.

Any mom knows how it feels to look at the clock and realize its 7and you have no idea what you are making for dinner.  But giiiiiiiirl, does your heart sing when you open your fridge and you remember that you made enough sauce (what we call spaghetti and meatballs in our family) to feed an entire army the night before.  But when it comes to reading your Bible, leftovers just won’t get the job done.  We can’t rely on Sunday’s message, Monday’s podcast, or even Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday’s time in the Word to be enough if it’s Friday.  You don’t want to be half full all the time.  We want to overflow! Colossians 3:16 says  “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly…”.  So go ahead and get rich quick girl and get in that Word!  I promise, we won’t be disappointed J.

"Forget Me Not"- A Thanksgiving Reflection

"Bless the LORD oh my soul, and forget not all of his benefits! (vs. 2)" I am certain that the only reason David is reminding himself to "forget not" is because he is aware of his natural tendency to "forget" who God is and all He has done.  Ahhh how I can relate to David! How quickly I forget who God is to me and what He has done for me!  THREE times David tells his soul to BLESS God on the basis of his benefits.  He is urging his soul to NEVER forget.  He is commanding his innermost being to GIVE THANKS and relish in the goodness and grace of God.  As I am studying through these verses I can't help but be reminded that we are approaching Thanksgiving, the one day marked on our entire calendar year that we are supposed to "give thanks".  I wonder what our lives as Christians would look like if EVERYDAY was a day of Thanksgiving.  Would not our moods be better, our outlooks be brighter, our perceptions be clearer, and our great God be lifted higher?  Ok, have you ever noticed that David can tend to be somewhat of a "complainer" throughout his Psalms but that in Psalm 103 there is not a single complaint?  I believe that when we go on and on and on about the goodness and benefits of God, we simply can't complain! When we talk about how he is our healer, it's harder to complain about our sickness (vs.3)!  When we acknowledge his forgiveness, we won't sulk in our shame (vs.3)! When we are constantly acknowledging and reminding ourselves  of who God is and what He has done for us, thanksgiving will naturally begin to flow out of us!  The mile long list of everything that is "wrong" or "sub-par" in our lives will slowly begin to fade into the backdrop and joy, peace and hope will begin to spring up in our hearts. 

Thanksgiving shouldn't be the only day that we choose to reflect on the evidence of God's love and faithfulness in our lives.  We should DAILY say, "Bless the LORD oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits!" If you are like me, giving genuine praise and thanks to God will STILL be a challenge even on the day that is specifically dedicated to doing so.   But my prayer is that I will follow in David's footsteps and command my soul to bless Him and "Forget him not".