Hopefully most of us are making it through the majority of our days in one piece but we ALL know what it feels likes to have our spirits so badly broken, that you could literally sit in the corner of your room and ball your eyes out. The funny things is, most of the events that could potentially lead to a momentary meltdown would be comical and entertaining for most onlookers. How nice for them.
1. You just put a nice array of veggies, fruits (or maybe candy if you are trying to diffuse an angry little one) on the highchair tray. Suddenly the food that you labored so hard over flys throughout the room as your adorable little person uses her arms as human wind-shield wipers. Many a times I have cried and almost self-medicated over this one.
2. You finally get to the six loads of clean laundry that were making themselves at home on your couch. You decide, "I'm going to take some time and fold these like my mama taught me." A few T-shirts, yoga pants, and onesies later, you start feeling realllllllly good about your homemaking skills. You are ever so proud of your perfectly neat stacks. But before you know it, your little one is suddenly using your extremely fashionable summer tanks as tea towels to clean up juice, water, pee or another yucky body excrement (helllloooooo potty training). You start to wonder why you even fold clothes and end up throwing them in the drawer. Yes. Tears have occasionally followed this scenario.
3. You just spent nearly an hour at the store buying everything on your perfectly organized meal plan chart. You stroll up to the counter thinking, "Ohhhh yeah, I'm a big deal and am feeling soooooooo accomplished. Hey you!..mom standing next to me with all of the non-organic groceries and kids that haven't bathed in their entire lives and are acting out so badly proving that you are obviously a poor disciplinarian...would you like to look at my perfectly organized meal chart, or perhaps listen to my "why you should buy organic" speech, or "oooo" and "ahhh" over my well groomed, perfectly behaved little angel?". But of course you keep those thoughts to yourself. Your little angel decides she wants to help pay for the groceries and slide the debit card. You think to yourself, "Absolutely! I am going to give my child an opportunity to learn something new and acquire new skills while all the people around observe and applaud my efforts as a mom to include my kid in all I do." So you give her a try. And another. And another. And yes, another. You finally realize that it's becoming borderline rude to let everyone else in line wait so that your two year old can practice card swiping. You gently try to take the card away and then the volcano begins to erupt. Your little "angel" suddenly appears to be demon possessed as she lashes her arms and kicks her legs and screams bloody murder causing your already unbalanced 6 month pregnant self to almost completely eat it in front of everyone. Of course your card is now under the check out register where it takes two or more lovely employees to try to recover it. You leave the store completely humbled and wishing the mom with the non-organic groceries and dirty, misbehaved kids would just give you a hug and say, "It's ok hunny, just cry."
4. It's been a looooooong day. I mean loooooong. Bath time is coming to an end. You reach down to wrap that adorable pink and green froggy towel around your child. You hold her close because she is cold and has officially wandered down Sleepy Trail Road. You slather on that yummy smelling lotion and and are sure to put a generous amount of booty cream on that little adorable bottom. You put her new Doc McStuffin's pajamas on and then give her her binky. She crawls into your arms, pulls her binky from her mouth, gives you a huge kiss and says "I love you" and "Jesus loves me". Suddenly your eyes fill with tears and you are once again overwhelmed by the INSANE amount of love that you feel for this small little person and are even more overwhelmed by the affection that they are giving to you. You start to wonder, "Why did God choose ME to be her mom?" I fail her so much. I make so many mistakes. Even in my attempts to be the best homemaker possible, I fail. Even on my best day, I can still find a bunch of things to knit pick in my mothering. You finally say, "I love you too" and "Yes, Jesus loves you so very much." Then you tuck her into bed, pray over her, turn on the white noise, and walk out. As you stroll from her room, through your living room, dining room, and kitchen, all of your uncompleted tasks from the day stare you mercilessly in the face. At this point you have no resolve to do anything else so you head to your room. You begin battling all of the negativity, and wonder if you will do things better the second time around. You muster up some courage to get into the Word even though you would MUCH rather slip into Downton Abbey. As you read, you are both convicted and encouraged. Convicted of your pride, self-reliance, self-righteousness, critical attitude towards other and even your own inability to extend yourself grace. You are encouraged because you realize that at the end of the day, nothing you do or fail to do will make God love you any more or less. You are encouraged because your position in Christ before God is not altered by your imperfections, uncompleted checklists, or even your perfectly organized meal chart. You realize that every good work you do is enabled by God's spirit and flows from a position of "I'm his beloved daughter", not "I'm trying to become his beloved daughter by my works." The good news of the gospel begins to speak loud and clear to your everyday struggles and challenges! Christ has redeemed and restored you and is continuing to do so every day as you practically apply the gospel to your life each day. You finally understand that God chose you to be the mother of your kids not because of you, but because of HIM. In spite of you and me, he has graciously allowed us to share in one of life's dearest endeavors: parenting. It is so very close to his heart. You finally begin to feel "lighter" and more at peace as you realize that He is also YOUR parent and loves you relentlessly. THAT will make any mom sit in a corner and cry.
